How To Tell If You're In The Friend Zone

For my next post, I decided to do some charity work the best way I know how and help so many clueless men out there that have always wondered why the hell the girl of their dreams seems to be giving them all the signs but whenever its crunch time and it seems you're going to get that long awaited kiss, all you get is a rub on your back (upper back,mind you,not lower), and a "thank you sweetie" while you're left open-mouthed wondering what the hell just happened. You, my friend , have ventured into this realm of disbelief for the clueless man, a place where so many have ventured but can never find their way out. Welcome to "The Friend Zone" (cue ominous music).

I have found myself a resident of this desolate place where hopes and dreams of "hooking-up" come to die and as the old adage/saying/jewel of wisdom states "One is a lonely frickin number"!So,because I am a nice guy (a character trait I'm pretty sure is the reason I end up here in the first place), I will help my fellow man to identify whether you're hopping on the next plane ride to "The Friend Zone":

*She's always busy when you wanna see her to chat but her schedule happens to open up when you offer to take her out for goodies.
*You call her up and she greets you with the following petnames: dude,homeboy,homie,bros,guy,pessin.... (its a long ass list)
*She calls you up to ask you to help her pick a dress and give an opinion on it before she goes out on dates. You, my friend, are in a deeper shit-zone than the regular friend zone, now you're in the "Gay Friend Zone".
*You tell her you have a thing for her but she tells you about how she was friends with her last boyfriend and now that they've broken up they cant be friends so she doesn't want to lose you like that.(I know I'm not the first one to hear this one).
*You've heard the "Its not you, its me" line. How bout "Its not me or you. Its them" (Them who? Aliens?The government?Who?!!!)
*She refers to you as being a cute and sweet guy, to your face.
*When you start dirty talking, she says its either disgusting to her or it makes her uncomfortable. (Look,ladies,we all know you created the truth or dare game or devil's basket so now, we should be led to believe dirty talk makes you queezy?I say thee,nay)

DISCLAIMER: To any ladies I know personally and this looks familiar to you, I truly love being your friend and I'm sure we can all look at this and laugh.Right?Right?I didnt even mention names,no one will ever know! *wink wink*

So, to the dudes reading this (who am I kidding,this blog is only two posts strong), these are just tell-tale signs to let you know when if you're becoming an inhabitant of the Friend Zone.Just so you know.

Be sure to post comments.