Sunday, 30 January 2011

Chick Flicks and Why I Like Them

Ah, the chick flick. The bane of any straight man who claims to possess a functioning set of organic minerals in between his legs.These are the movies we wouldn't be caught dead within a 10 foot radius of, or we usually respond to in the following manner when asked if we have seen them by women: "Sex and the City 2?what?!!!Hell No!!!How!!!That movie sucks donkey balls!Inception,baby!!!"

Well, confession time. I do like to dabble in the occasional chick flick (translation: I totally love dat shit) and though most don't like to admit it, so do a lot of men. Ever watched a Bollywood movie with a group of guys and when it comes to the sad part, theres this long unbearable silence? I have!Very friggin uncomfortable feeling!

So,anyway,I have decided to compile a list of these chick flicks that have totally done it for me.I have also decided to give up my Man-card at the end of this post as I have totally broken one of the cardinal rules of The Man Club: We Don't Talk About Chick Flicks! 

So, in no particular order, here we go!!!

*(500) Days of Summer
The classic tale of Boy Meets Girl,Girl Meets Boy,Boy Likes Girl,Girl Dumps Boy and leaves Boy heartbroken never to love or trust again!Not your regular romantic comedy movie cliche, is it? Maybe thats why I identify with this movie so much,because it is relateable.No, Boy doesn't get Girl in the end but its still a happy ending for all involved. As the tag-line says,its not a love story,its a story about Love. (I totally hope Girl gets hit by a bus,the bitch!!!)

In this movie,we don't just get one love story.No no no,we get like five or more different ones, about different sorts of love:regular love,forbidden love,sibling love (no, I don't mean incest), underage love (no,potential pedophiles,it's not that kind of movie), loving thyself (not masturbation) and just about any sort of love you can imagine.I got that lump in your throat you get when you're sad but you don't want to cry in front of dudes cause you will be labelled a wuss!

A star falls in love with an underachieving nobody.And not Hollywood kinda star, I mean an actual star in the sky!That enough is worth the cost of admission.Oh,and for fans of sword and sorcery aka NERDSSSS!!!, thats in the movie too.

*Notting Hill
Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts are in this movie.Do I really need to describe the pure chick-flickyness of this movie?

*Kal Ho Na Ho
Bollywood movie.Shahrukh Khan,you bastard,I hate you for making me feel,with your quivering lips (no homo) and your big sad eyes (still,no homo) and your stupid crying bobble-head!Why?Why did you have to die?!!! (Another throat lump inducing movie)

*Jerry Maguire
"You complete me".This line could be in The Expendables and turn it into a chick flick.

It's a musical.With singing and dancing about feelings.Nuff said!

I'm sure there's more but I admitting I liked these was a big step for me, being the manly man that I am.But hey,please, y'all are free to write your own list in the comments below so I can know what else to watch, I mean, totally warn people about!

Friday, 28 January 2011

How To Tell If You're In The Friend Zone

For my next post, I decided to do some charity work the best way I know how and help so many clueless men out there that have always wondered why the hell the girl of their dreams seems to be giving them all the signs but whenever its crunch time and it seems you're going to get that long awaited kiss, all you get is a rub on your back (upper back,mind you,not lower), and a "thank you sweetie" while you're left open-mouthed wondering what the hell just happened. You, my friend , have ventured into this realm of disbelief for the clueless man, a place where so many have ventured but can never find their way out. Welcome to "The Friend Zone" (cue ominous music).

I have found myself a resident of this desolate place where hopes and dreams of "hooking-up" come to die and as the old adage/saying/jewel of wisdom states "One is a lonely frickin number"!So,because I am a nice guy (a character trait I'm pretty sure is the reason I end up here in the first place), I will help my fellow man to identify whether you're hopping on the next plane ride to "The Friend Zone":

*She's always busy when you wanna see her to chat but her schedule happens to open up when you offer to take her out for goodies.
*You call her up and she greets you with the following petnames: dude,homeboy,homie,bros,guy,pessin.... (its a long ass list)
*She calls you up to ask you to help her pick a dress and give an opinion on it before she goes out on dates. You, my friend, are in a deeper shit-zone than the regular friend zone, now you're in the "Gay Friend Zone".
*You tell her you have a thing for her but she tells you about how she was friends with her last boyfriend and now that they've broken up they cant be friends so she doesn't want to lose you like that.(I know I'm not the first one to hear this one).
*You've heard the "Its not you, its me" line. How bout "Its not me or you. Its them" (Them who? Aliens?The government?Who?!!!)
*She refers to you as being a cute and sweet guy, to your face.
*When you start dirty talking, she says its either disgusting to her or it makes her uncomfortable. (Look,ladies,we all know you created the truth or dare game or devil's basket so now, we should be led to believe dirty talk makes you queezy?I say thee,nay)

DISCLAIMER: To any ladies I know personally and this looks familiar to you, I truly love being your friend and I'm sure we can all look at this and laugh.Right?Right?I didnt even mention names,no one will ever know! *wink wink*

So, to the dudes reading this (who am I kidding,this blog is only two posts strong), these are just tell-tale signs to let you know when if you're becoming an inhabitant of the Friend Zone.Just so you know.

Be sure to post comments.

Thursday, 27 January 2011

My 1st post.....and nothing to say!

"Once upon a time...." "It was a dark and stormy night....." "Story Story..."
For what seems like forever and a day, I've been craving to start a blog, as a bid to satiate my humongous ego (cos frankly,I'm a genius and everyone needs to hear what I have to say :). Not,but really, what better way to express yourself than write any randomness that may come to your head and put it up online for complete strangers to post comments and say how much they hate you and how your opinions suck and how your point of view stinks and blah blah blah!!! (yet somehow they take time out of their busy schedules to tell you.Thanks guys!) To be honest, I don't even know what the blog will be about, maybe I feel and hope like a mother that when I give birth, this baby will go big and strong and become something great and make me proud (or maybe I'm just churning out a bastard,who knows?). One thing I know though is that I'm willing to try it at least once and see where it goes (one more thing to take off the ol' bucket list). One thing I promise though, it'll always be short (who likes to read endless talk from some pretentious poser, right?), and I'll try to keep it as interesting as I can. And variety, definitely has to have variety.
So,how do I end these things anyway, I'm tempted to say "Welcome to my World" (first timer web developers will get this,aww man, now I need to come out with a sign out catchphrase) but I guess its just bye, for now!